Single mothers still take the lead for serving the most admirable role in society. However, there are still small mistakes that are easy to make that could shape your child’s way of thinking for years to come. Here are five common behaviors to avoid while raising your child on your own:
Having Sex with the Father When he’s in a New Relationship
It may seem socially acceptable for the father of your child to have access to your temple. It also may give your child a sense of hope that the two of you have a shot at getting back together. However, if you have a daughter you could be relaying a message to her that it's okay to “share.” She may even develop core beliefs that it’s okay to be second best since she constantly has to watch her father leave your home and go to his number one lady –who is not you. You also don’t want to have your child’s father making excuses to your son about why it’s okay to "double-dip." Stay firm in setting an example to your daughter that a man could never be in love with both her and someone else at the same time. Likewise, remind your son that two simultaneous sexual partners could potentially lead to two baby-mothers, twice the responsibility and double the attention he has to distribute.
Never Tell your In-Laws your Side
Rather than presenting yourself like the angel who was impregnated by their son, The Devil, save all you’re venting for another party. You may not be bashing your child’s father to his family, but constantly seeking empathy from your in-laws is equally pitiful. Most human beings are aware that there are two sides to every story so you do not have rush to tell yours. As long as you are a productive contributor to society who take average care of their grandchildren, nieces or nephews you should be fine in their eyes.
Remind Your Child that You’re playing both the Mother and the Father
There are so many places for you to empty out your frustrations other than your child’s ears. Try to avoid convincing your child that you have been both a mother and a father to them because this minimizes the respect that is due to the actual father. There have been many fathers who eventually wake up and decide to take responsibility for their child. Try not to tarnish the relationship that your child could have with their father just because dad is not playing an active role now.
Rushing to get a Stepfather
It is common for a single mother to date and make getting along with her child (ren) one of her criterias. That’s fine. It is also common for a woman to settle simply because the man she is dating boasts that he loves children even though everything else about him is a chock-full-of shortcomings. They key word in this mistake is to avoid “rushing” the stepfather process. Men will always exist and have a desire for you before you’re pregnant, while you’re pregnant and even when you have children. The world will not run out of the selection of men who will love your children, so take your time before settling down with one.
Take Parenting for Granted
You may not be raising your child as a nuclear family unit. You are still fortunate. Perhaps it is more emotional or physical harm for the father to be in the picture. You may even be discouraged that you aren’t able to see your child wake up with his father there every day. Despite all that, remember that every woman is not able to have children. You are. In fact there are married couples who have been trying to conceive for years, and cannot. You could. There have even been countless accounts of women who have taken alternative interventions such as abortion or adoption because they were not ready to raise their child. You didn’t. In certain countries women are shamed if they cannot bear children. You have yours! And when you think you are all alone in parenting, remember that this is a gift that was given to you that you should never take for granted.
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